You wake up in the morning and ugh, that feeling. That feeling that there has to be something more than this. Another passionless night where she came to bed long after you were asleep. Slept as far away from you as the bed would allow and now she lays there, back turned to you with not even the slightest attempt at any kind of physical contact, let alone sex.
Sex. Sometimes you can’t even remember what that felt like even though you used to have it all the time and in lots of places, even in the mornings. Ah, morning sex, a distant memory. Oh sure, in the far reaches of your mind, you can remember the connection, the pleasure, the feeling like there was nobody else in the world but the two of you. So, how did you end up here?
Well, though I can’t be 100% sure, I’m willing to bet that domestic energy played a large part.
Domestic energy! What the heck is that?
Let’s Start at the Beginning
When you met your wife/girlfriend/partner, whatever she is to you, it was so easy. You did what you wanted, whenever you wanted. You counted the minutes till you could see each other again, took great care to show them you cared, couldn’t keep your hands, and other body parts, off of each other.
Isn’t that a great feeling?
Why didn’t it last? What is it that makes more than half of all marriages end? And, perhaps even worse, what makes long term relationships (LTR’s) places where love seemingly goes to die? Finally, does it have to be like that?
Now, sometimes in life, we make bad choices. We fall in love with someone and it’s not healthy or you really grow into different people and ending the relationship is a favor to you both. Then there are abusive relationships and of course, nobody should stay in one of those. That’s not what we’re talking about here. What kills most LTR’s actually, is apathy, lack of effort and/or lack of knowledge. How does this apathy get created? In most cases, 2 words… domestic energy.
Then it Gets Complicated
When you’ve decided to live together, perhaps get married, have kids, jobs, aging parents, illness, money issues, houses, cars, chores and so much more on your huge plate than you had when you met, that’s domestic energy. It’s often this domestic energy that, in large part, helps to extinguish the fireworks that were so natural at the beginning.
But, those things are a part of life, you say. Everybody has those domestic things that take their time and energy. True! However, if we allow the energy that is required to raise a family, earn a living and do all of those things that we have to do to completely erase the romantic energy, then, the romance dies. The passion dies. The sex dies and is a distant memory in what has become a partnership that more resembles a business transaction than the hot, romantic, sex-filled time you spent together in the early days.
And, let’s not even get into the staring at our phone all of the time and the damage THAT does to romance (yet).
Unfortunately, most of us allow just that. We allow everyday tasks (and staring at our phones) to become more important than loving our partners. We focus more on the laundry than we do on holding hands. We care more about cutting the grass than on planning a night where it’s just the two of us. The kids become our whole universe until one spot by one spot, our partners become the lowest priority on our totem pole. If they’re there at all.
But, You Can Make a Difference
Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is another way. There’s more than one actually but, it’s all grounded in choosing to do love. Doing love? Strange concept right? Almost as strange as domestic energy was before you read this post.
Want to learn more about doing love? Read Love is a Choice.
Until then, put down your phone, and go make your partner a priority…
And, if you’d like to learn more, click here, fill out the simple form and let’s hop on a free, no holds barred call where we will discuss anything on your mind but, especially the things in your life you feel are holding you and your relationship back. It could just change your life.