Getting over the myth of the one to allow you to be open to finding love again.
She’s the love of my life and I’ll never find another like her. She’s THE ONE!
Yup, I get it, been there, done that but, I’m gonna call a big fat BULLSHIT on this one brothers. Be patient, it’ll all make sense in the end.
I was 100% certain that my wife was THE ONE! The one I’d be with for the rest of my life. The one I’d never take for granted. The one who would love me and I her until, well, forever. It started with a honeymoon period that lasted about 9 years. Loving, connected, frequent and passionate sex. Deep, powerful, meaningful conversations. The attitude that there wasn’t anything that could break the special connection we had. Well, let’s take a look at those things.
The “One” is a Myth
We were having that sex regularly until life got the better of me and I became a man even I didn’t like being around. For a man, sex is something we use to connect with our partners. But women need to feel that connection to feel excited about having sex with us. When I lost my way and put everything I was on to her, it was too much. The connection was damaged and she had trouble finding the desire. I took this as her not loving me any more of course. The conversations turned into blaming and criticizing each other. Each of us knowing it was entirely the other one’s fault. That then killed the attitude of us having that special connection.
Now, fast forward 6 years after we divorced and, we still love each other. We have deep, powerful, meaningful conversations, sometimes. We both know that we have a connection that can’t be broken, even if our marriage was. I share this so you know I know how you feel when you say that your one is THE ONE, for you.
There are over 3.5 billion women in the world. The idea that we can only have all of the things my wife and I had and now my ex-wife and I have, is a myth. We buy into it in order to mask some pains we carry with us. Convincing ourselves that there is only one woman we can have all of these things with us somehow comforts us when we get together. It’s as if any doubts or fears of making the commitment disappear because she’s “the one.” We can overlook serious issues and then continue to ignore them if the shit hits the fan. And, guess what, the shit hits the fan, many times in almost every long-term relationship.
Welcome to “Oneitis”
Oneitis glosses over these things and allows us to ignore the sometimes painful, hard work it takes to overcome these issues. We tell ourselves “since she’s the one, it will all work out in the end.” Well, guess what brother, you’re fooling yourself. I say this with love because I fooled myself too. For a long time.
Now, if you and your “one” are having issues, it’s time to peel back the curtain. You need to dig down to expose these issues so they can be solved. Hiding behind her oneness won’t solve anything. Then if the worst happens and your relationship ends, you’ll be stuck thinking you’ll never find another woman you can love again. This is super dangerous as well for if you end up single again and still hide behind your oneitis. You will find it impossible to move on and be open to finding love again.
Me? I’m grateful that, at this point in any case, my ex-wife was the love of my life. But I no longer believe she was “the one.” So, what’s the difference? Well, it’s really quite simple. So far, she is the woman I’ve loved most so, so far, she is the love of my life. However, I have broken free from feeling like I will never find another woman to love again. I realized that she was not the only woman in the world I can love. Not the only one I can share amazing conversations and sex with. I’m certain, more now than ever due to the work I have done that I can feel that intense connection with another amazing woman! Yes, this took some time but, I’m very grateful for having felt this way.
So, What’s the Secret?
The secret is because I now know, REALLY know what love feels like to me. I will not settle for anything less. No, a new woman doesn’t have to be anything like my ex. But the connection needs to be at least as strong for me to know that this is a woman I want to spend perhaps the rest of my life with. I will not settle for less and neither should you. Stop allowing your oneitis to keep you in the settle mentality. Whether you’re still with the one you thought was THE ONE or whether you two have parted ways and you’re thinking you will never find love again. As Henry Ford is credited for saying “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.” So, when you convince yourself you’ll never fall in love again, you’re right, except that you’re not…
There is another love of my life out there for me and for you too. We just need to be open to finding her and letting her in. But first, we need to get over our oneitis and, perhaps fall in love with ourselves.
Time to get serious and talk with another man about these things!
Want to learn more about how to be cured, once and for all, from your oneitis? Click here, fill out the short form and let’s set up a call where I will probably ask you things you don’t want to answer, tell you things you don’t want to hear but, you will end the call knowing that these are necessary to get you to become the man you desire to be. No cost, no strings and no pressure, ever! I look forward to connecting with you brother.